Currently I am reading a book called The Happiness Project and as I was reading today the author mentions that one of her goals is to not nag, snap, or criticize. She goes on to say how difficult it is. My thoughts were "damn how hard can this be?" Then it hit me like lightening, I had committed all of these acts probably before noon today. OMG I was queen nag now that I thought about it.
When I woke up this morning it was one of those days where I looked around and felt like I needed to motivate myself to clean the house. (My random OCD kicked in I guess.) But do you think that I could have done this in a happy, non bitter manner as Ryan so peaceful was enjoying his morning coffee? Oh god NO! If my morning was going to consist of dishes, laundry and cleaning rags then so was his. And that was right about the time when the nagging, snapping, and criticism began. However it sounded a little better in my mind because I put the words "do you think" in front of all my barking orders. "Do you think you could help me around the house today?" Which really translated into get off you ass, put down your coffee and computer so you can help me.
Off and cleaning I was, laundry was started, dishes were done and I began to dust, all in time to look over and see that Ryan hadn't moved an inch. Oh boy did the horns start to appear at that point. (Poor guy) It seemed as if I needed to step up the snapping a bit because he clearly wasn't getting it. Maybe it was the putting it in question format that threw him off, like it was optional.
Next thing I see is Ryan in the bathroom cleaning out the sink with a BABY WIPE!!!! If I can remember correctly our conversation went like this:
ME: "what the hell are you doing?" (in a very polite tone you can imagine)
RYAN: "I am cleaning"
ME:"with a baby wipe? Not to mention those things are expensive" (as if I cared about the expense at that point)
RYAN: "yeah it cleans it just as well"
ME: "no Ryan a baby wipe is not even close to using a rag with cleaner."
Thinking he maybe finally got the point I continued about my business and he continued his. I was just a lot unhappier than he was because after all he was not cleaning up to my standards.
Later in the day was when I sat down to read my book and self analyze. She was describing exactly how I had acted earlier today. I couldn't help myself but to laugh out loud because once I really reflected on the situation that had transpired this morning it sounded so ridiculous. It was me that apparently woke up on the wrong side of the bed and thought it would be OK to start barking at poor Ryan. He was probably having a great day doing stuff that was on his agenda until I came along so rudely and popped that bubble for him.
The truth of the matter was that I was upset with myself that I hadn't done this housework until the day that Maddie was coming home. Because of my procrastination, it left me feeling stress and I wanted someone else to share my stress with. All in all I have decided that I am really going to put forth some effort in not nagging, snapping or criticising. It doesn't make me feel good nor does it make anyone in my family feel all that great. As you can see from the above picture I even wrote it on my mirror as a nice gentle reminder.
OMG! I just wet myself a bit reading this. I have the same conversation with Jim minus the whole baby wipe thing. One day I was cleaning the house and Jim was just sitting on the couch watching TV and playing on the computer. Didn't offer to help or anything. I was so pissed. So I just started vacuuming in the livingroom hoping he'd take a hint. His response was to go in the bedroom and continue watching TV. At that point he was lucky I hadn't castrated him. So I unplugged the satalite which takes about 20 mins to get TV back once it is plugged back in. He got the message at that point. Had I just asked him to do something instead of assuming he would take the initiative I probably could have saved myself a lot of aggervation. I applaud your goal in trying to keeping those things to a minimum. I too shall try it although I'm not off to such a great start today. I'm just going to say it's the lack of sleep.
ReplyDeleteSeriously men do not take hints very well. I am learning to just come out and say exactly what I would like done or exactly how I feel,otherwise it seems that the only person that is really frusterated is me!!! Let me just say after I started this whole trying to keep it to a minimum, we are on our way to get Maddie and there was clearly a confusion between everyone about the meeting spot. So I tell Ryan to get off on a certain exit and he swears the exit doesnt have a southbound on ramp so he continues to go the wrong way and ends up back on the northbound route. (heaven for bid he listen to me on directions) Then the next exit really didnt have one and I saw that, so the third one he takes and we end up having to take this BFE route to the middle of nowhere to get back on the right track. It took everything in me not to jump out the window because it was killing me not to just start nagging away. So I am frusterated the whole way home by what had just happened and I dont say two words to him. Then the next day he happened to say the wrong thing and I just unloaded about gettting lost and him thinking it was my fault. He looked at me and says "what your still holding on to that,I was over it right after it happened" "UMMMM hello I wasnt over it last night, couldnt you tell by my annoyed body language?" "No not really, thought you were tired and wanted to go to bed". All that to say they really dont get it sometimes. :)
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